I have been so challenged off late by the thoughts in my head. Those limiting beliefs are like annoying mosquitos, who latch onto you and don't let go! Those voices which you thought you handled, you thought you conquered, find their way to the surface once more. Surely I believe I'm good enough. I mean I've done all these incredible things, and met amazing people, had wonderful experiences. I am a true believer in winning, in possibilities, in the fact consistency and persistency matched with hard work can get you where you want to go! So why does this horrible thought keep coming back?! Where did it come from?
How do we stop self sabotaging? And instead develop radical courage. There are so many brilliant nuggets in my conversation with Rebecca. I know I have personally struggled with my own inner critic, and questioned my self worth, but in 2020, in the midst of a pandemic, something happened! I decided to dive deep and do the inner work I needed to grow and realize that, yes, none of us are perfect, but perfection is the goal WE give ourselves. Perfection is something we dump on ourselves when we compare ourselves with other's and/or get told through others, even if it isn't verbally but through actions or how we are treated, that we need to be perfect to be loved.
That learning I embarked on hasn't stopped since then! A revelation just last week for me is that event's themselves don't have any meaning, but it is our mind's which give those events and behaviours meaning, and therefore create deeply rooted beliefs. Beliefs like "I am not good enough." So I begun asking myself, where has it come from? And inevitably you are lead to your childhood. Don't get me wrong, I was a happy child. I am so grateful to my parents for a great upbringing, for being provided for time and time again and everything they continue to do. However just because we had great parents, doesn't mean every parent knows how to parent! You can only teach what you know. And parents do exactly that. Sure, they may learn things along the way, and then change their opinions, or break old habits, but that depends on their choices and making a choice to DO the inner, uncomfortable work, isn't everyone's cup of tea, nor is it something that a lot of people are even aware of.
Don't get me wrong, I am not blame shifting, or refusing responsibility. In fact, I am doing the opposite. I am choosing to dismantle the roots of where I learnt some limiting beliefs, with the hope that it ends with me. Sure my parents didn't utter those words "you are not good enough," at any point to me directly, but something made me attach that specific meaning to things they did and/or said. For example, any instance I was told "you can't do that." Or anytime my choices were challenged in a negative respect. And sure these thoughts lay dormant for a while, and you don't think much of them, but as we grow older, and we choose to develop self awareness, it becomes apparent that there's an elephant in the room! OUR CHILDHOOD BAGGAGE!
On a positive note (phews!) It's in this uncomfortable, messy work, where we can actually figure out, just like Rebecca did, who we are. I make sure I ask myself regularly, what do I want. What are my goals and dreams? What do I need to do now to work towards those goals and dreams? I get to rewrite my story. And it's important to say it's not a one time thing. Everyday, only for about a month now, I've been making sure to tell myself, "I am worthy as I am. I am enough. I am exactly where I need to be right now." It's not an instant gratification solution, affirmations are truly a wonderful tool to help embed a new set of beliefs but ONLY IF WE BELIEVE THEM. So then I have to dig further, and challenge myself when I come up against making a new decision, or experiencing a challenge or figuring out what's blocking me from moving ahead. If that bitch of a voice tells me I can't do it cause I am not enough, I can now tell it to "f*** off!" Sure it may still upset me for a little while, and I can have a rant from time to time, vent to a friend or choose to wallow in my despair for a while, but I sure as hell won't stay there!
Tune in for the last episode in the "PURPOSE" series! Below :)